TOWIE

What is it about The Only Way Is Essex that has made it such a hit?

When I was little, I loved Dynasty.

I was off work today and managed to catch an old re run on CBS Reality!
It was the episode where Alexis Carrington-Colby-Dexter and Krystal Carrington fell down a mountain, into a strategically placed muddy puddle. 

Their hair and make up was still perfect after falling fifty foot and Alexis managed to strut away in her Yves Saint Laurent power heels!


I still adore Joan Collins.  She is such a classy chick, even after her dodgy early films, The Bitch and The Stud.  If you get a chance, watch her interview with Piers Morgan, shown on ITV last year.  Even S sat and watched it with me. 

I was never into Dallas but I know most people preferred that to Dynasty.  It was the same deal, the over the top outfits, glamour, big hair, glamour, squabbles, glamour, money, oil, power, glamour, glitz and glamour with drama thrown in for good measure. 

I love the way they all had just one expression,and this was before botox.  When they got a closing shot, at the end of the scene, they'd stare just off camera, looking pensive (Krystel), confident (Alexis), troubled (Blake), smouldering (Kate O'Mara's character, Caress) plastic (gay Adam) plastic (straight Dex) plastic (Sammy Jo) and soooo plastic (Prince Michael) and as for Dallas, berserk (Sue Ellen) and manic (JR).

Much later on, the nearest thing to Dynasty and Dallas I think was Sex and The City. 
  
Yeah Carrie and Miranda's lives were interesting but it was the fashion and the more astonishing the outfits, the better! It was probably what kept us hooked.  Long before we cared about the intense relationship between Carrie and Aiden and Pete the dog, we were in love with the Manolo's and the Choo's!

Sex and The City was alot more reachable than Dynasty, even if we had to settle for more budget- friendly replica's from Top Shop, we could definitely take influences and work with them.

Now though, well, we have something that you can actually join in with! The Only Way Is Essex.

You can actually go there.  Hang out in the same clubs and even pop into Amy's salon to get a spray tan, possibly even by the girl herself!  I have it on good authority, my 'nephew' Joe told me that his friend has a weekend ritual daahhn The Sugar Hut, Faces & Deuces.  But I fear that he is taking the characters seriously and maybe even wants to be like them. Dear God!?!

The Only Way Is Essex, or TOWIE as it's affectionately been shortened to, is a phenomenon.  It's rubbish, cringe worthy, funny, unbelievable and sparkly in equal measure.  It even has a bit of sadness thrown in which was most unexpected when I first started watching it.  I think poor young Lucy is possibly the most real personality in the show and has probably so far, shown the most real and honest emotion. 

Would we want to watch episodes of Lucy and similar characters alone? Doubt it! It's the slightly unhinged, questionable behaviour and narcissistic pea cocking that keeps us tuning in.

Who on earth actually wants to be like Lauren?  The orange face, fake lashes, fake hair, fake attitude, over emphasising your s's, (think sssupernanny's 'totally unassseptable').  And to top it off, being treated like that by a man/boy ON CAMERA!  And then there's Sam!!!! Oh Girlfriend WTF??? I thought you were ok til you left your mate Lucy, embarrassed and in tears coz you are 'in love' with the very man/boy who reduced her to search an emotional wreckage.  THEN, in the very next breath, arranged to meet him and after he'd proposed to mahogany girl, told him you 'loved him'.  Why? What do you think will come of it? What do you think will come of it? If he turned round and said, "actually babe, (coz that way, he doesn't call you by each others names), I will un-engage Lauren and marry you".  What sort of life will you have and why don't you care?  They are so weird. Like creatures from another planet. They are so materialistic aren't they? 

Saying that, I love watching Arg, Amy, Harry.... and I really am starting to love Lydia!  Old droopy lids. 
 
I also can't waaaaaait to see the transformation of the new recruit Paloma, at Amy's Salon.  I wonder if she will be the one to spilt Mark & Lauren up?  And what about the car sales woman Gemma? What a strange animal she is.  Will Harry find love? What will poor old Popey do now Kirky's dumped her? He looked genuinely upset but I couldn't tell if she was upset or not.  She is so unreadable.  BUT..... the worst and most disgusting character has gotta be ChloeJoey !!! They are two people but they are the same being really aren't they? The teeth, hanging out of that bony face like a bunch of bananas and the inflated boobs on such a skinny body look like they are made of china, like they'd crack! And errr, Joey.  He actually makes me angry.  I would be so upset if my son turned out as shallow as him.  And what is up with that weird side parting? "I'm interested in politics.... cities n that...that's politics yeah"?  He's such a dickhead!

 Ignore me, I'm just jel. I love it. Shu uuuuup!