You're the One for Me Fatty!

I'm still fat and I've done bugger all about it.  Nothing proper anyway.  A half arsed toddle on the treadmill twice a week is not gonna shift 3 stone! 

I looked at the Weightwatchers website and followed one of their slimming tips by purchasing a large tub of low fat yogurt and popping it in the freezer to eat, instead of ice cream, with some berries.

Then it was bank holiday wasn't it?  Three whole days off work. Three whole days of not being told to take another call, or log your call on three different, equally time wasting programmes.  Three whole days of not having to communicate to people who cannot form full, coherent, articulate sentences. And three whole days to fcuk the diet off and disguise not being disciplined enough to go to the gym as, being a good parent who lavishes their kids with time and attention.  A good parent is a wobbly one!

Anyhoo, I am having to start again.  I shall start tomorrow as we had a bbq today and I ate and drank a substantial amount.  An amount large enough to not want to write it down and see how many guilty 'points' I had scoffed.

I will not join Weightwatchers. I have seen three friends lose a good amount of fat using this method and obviously there's that Jennifer Hudson being heralded in every Women's mag as having 'done it'. 

Those magazines are such wankers, they really are. 


MMN YOU TASTE LIKE CHEDDAR

 Poor old Natalie Cassidy's weight goes up and down like a whore's knickers and as it does, these magazines comment,

"Oh poor Natalie must be sooooo embarrassed after gaining 2 stone after she brought out those exercise DVDs...look, here she is eating a fat laden cheese sandwich...see how we've used a photo where she's just about to bite it and blink at the same time....aren't fat people vile when they eat cheese"? 

Then the next week, the same mag will show Fat Nat with a bit of lippy on and a posh frock and go, "Look at Our Nat...she's proud of her curves and we think she looks GREAT...she says she gets all the exercise she needs being a 'busy-working-mum' and says 'I just have a healthy attitude to cheese sandwiches', You go girl"!

Then, Fat Nat will miraculously lose 2 stone and look a bit pale and the mags will leap on her,

" Poor Natalie is obviously finding the stress of being a busy-working-mum too much to cope with.  A source told our reporter that "Nat often goes for weeks without eating more than a few cheese sandwiches", Our psychologist said, "Natalie needs to eat more cheese sandwiches if she wants to be a good role model for her new baby!

Then thin,pale Nat will pop on a bit of lippy and turn up at the Soap Awards and the same mag will report, "Wow look at the difference in Our Nat! Check out our photo of her just a few weeks ago, (see Fat Nat in lippy & posh frock) where she squeezed her wobbling, unhappy frame into a dress that our fashion expert says was, 'definitely too small for her'.  We think she looks GREAT and you can follow Nat's Cheese Diet on the following page!

FCUK OFF HEAT and NOW and REVEAL and CLOSER etc etc...

Anyhoo again, where was I??! Yeah I won't join Weightwatchers as although I have seen great results in some of my pals, I don't think they necessarily promote healthy eating. I think they kind of say, "eat just two mars bars and some of our low fat crisps a day but nothing else ...just aslong as you stick within your daily points".

I need something though.  Another friend had a stomach bypass operation and she's shrunk from a size 16 to a size 8...she does look fantastic, even though she shits herself if she eats too much sugar, (hmmmn, maybe that's the kind of deterrent I need)!

So, that's what I am gonna do.

Get back on the 'no shit' diet.  It's bloomin' hard for me to eat no rubbish though as I honestly didn't think I had the 'fat gene' and could always eat what I liked...as long as I teamed it with copious amounts of cocaine. I am most definitely NOT advocating that as a diet plan... just saying, age and being responsible has made my fat gene come out from hiding for 34 years. Now old 'Fat Jean' is like an unwanted friend who has outstayed her welcome! She truly needs to piss off now. 
So tomorrow, I will drink more water and eat more fruit and salad and go to the gym and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz