I Wish I'd Tried Harder at School.

I watched Undercover Boss last night where the owner of Ann Summers sent her sister into the stores as a basic sales assistant, undercover, to talk to the staff and find out where the company was going right and more importantly, where mistakes were being made. 

It ended up being a really heart warming and clever programme.  Rewarding for the top bods and selected sales staff alike.

We've had a restructure at work. 

Basically, where the Government have fucqed us all over, they have decided that by targeting their loyal, hardworking, front line staff most, they will look to the rest of the country like they are saving a few pence. 

So, what's happened is, people who don't know us have been put in charge of the restructure of our department.  What has resulted is me, sitting on what used to be a cheery, loud, boisterous 4 seater desk, now sitting alone, well mentally alone, and literally bored to tears.

For nearly seven years I have dealt with thousands of calls where people have looked to me for help with their finances and housing.  Now, I am meant to be grateful to even have a position there, even though the position they have deemed me fit for is basically dealing with calls about dog sh!t and wasps nests.

So, even though it is a relief for all the worrying and waiting to be over and to not have been made redundant, I cannot help but feel completely let down.

I know I am bloody good at my job, even though I need to get up and have a break from being screamed at by the really stupid callers as I am not as robotic as some of the thicker skinned staff but I give/gave bloomin good advice and used to get, particularly the older callers, thanking me for not being patronising/ speaking clearly/ listening and being polite.  According to these men & women, they often dreaded having to ring 'youngsters' as the service was so poor.

It wasn't the job I had in mind as a child.  I would have loved to have worked in comedy.  I would love to work for myself.  I'd love to be loaded with cash and not have to work at all.  But that is not how it's panned out.

During the waiting period, where we had all filled in 'application forms' and sold ourselves on paper, explaining why we were perfect for the jobs we were already doing, and actually being told that we were not fired, we just panicked.  We all plodded along, like headless chickens whilst colleagues from other departments sympathetically asked if we'd had any news yet, over and over again.  Personally, physically, I got the sh!ts and an itchy scalp.  It's a thing I get when stressed.  Others had burst into tears and the rest just looked frightened and vulnerable.

Even writing this post now I'm thinking that some complete ar&ehole might read it and pass it on to a manager and try to get some sort of pleasure out of it.  I am just being honest.

The whole situation has made me realise how it all amounts to sh!t.

There is absolutely no loyalty where money and politics is involved.  Does it really matter how good you are?  Is it really more important who you know, rather than what you know? I really think so.

I am relieved that I have not been made redundant but to say I am grateful would not be true.  I fucqing deserve a job. I am a great credit to them. 

I am p!ssed off, angry with myself for not being more focused and even angrier for others who take their jobs and the whole corporate image a lot more seriously than me and are devastated at how they have been treated.  Honestly, some have been left shell shocked.

One of my, 'superiors' have always said that I am a square peg in a round hole and that I am wasted there.  I know this to be true but I have no direction and have felt very stuck for a few years now.  I don't have the luxury to be able to finance myself and my family whilst I go and learn some new and interesting subject that I know I'd be good at.  I have to work.  I have to plod along. 

I hope it all settles and when our new 'superiors' get to know us individually, will be able to see our strengths and adjust our roles accordingly. 

I really, truly hope that my kids try harder at school than I did and manage to work for themselves.