Regrets, I Have a Few

Hind sight must be a wonderful thing and had I had it, I would have done a few things differently from the off.

Like many of you, I have regrets about things I've done, stuff I've said and way's in which I've acted towards certain people but regrets just mean we've lived and learned. 

At least I haven't got a 'twat-too' like the poor chav in the photo!

My mum is a real worrier.  As a child I remember how my Mum used to panic about everything.  She’s always worried about me more than my brother because she lost her first child, my sister, at 3 months old, so she admits that it’s probably a ‘girl’ thing.

We’d be walking along and I’d purposely walk into the road without looking, just to get a reaction!  Of course, if my Mum wasn’t there I’d always follow the green cross code.  I wasn’t stupid!

There’d be times when we’d be in large department stores, like Alders, C&A and BHS and whilst my mum would stop to look at an item, I’d hide inside the circular racks of floor-length nighties and listen silently as Mum would frantically call my name.

On the way home, after jumping off of the bus, I’d drag my foot and stick my tongue out and pretend to be ‘slow’, just to embarrass her.

I also made her repeat the 15 minute walk back up to the Wimpy Bar to exchange the mistakenly bought hamburger for a cheese burger, after telling her that it would not suffice to ‘just put cheddar in it from our fridge’.

I am listing my worst behaviour here. This is a post about regrets after all.

When I was younger, I didn’t think about anything of any importance.  I had no responsibilities, or rather, no sense of responsibility which I think stems from my Mum doing everything for me as she didn’t want me to leave the house without her.  This meant that I could ‘demand’ stuff and act like a brat. 

We also, I like to think, had a right old laugh…and still do.  I can make my mum laugh til she pees! And I love her very, very much.  You realise how much the older you get.

This lack of responsibility followed me to the Canary Islands where I was drunk and stuff for more or less 4 years and living a fairly hedonistic life. 

I didn’t think like a normal person and subsequently didn’t really have a job as such, until I worked in an American theme restaurant… where I used to hang off the 4 ft high helium canisters and charge about like a loon with the rest of the n’er do wells. 

We also had to lure in the tourists, by dressing up as Disney characters and give out balloons.  Happy families would get their screaming children to pose with me for a photo and behind Minnie Mouse’s oversized beaming smile, I’d be inside, sweating and gurning from enjoying inappropriate recreational ‘supplements’… That job got me my Residencia though and we had a real laugh there but I walked out after the boss over stepped the mark. 

I wrote him a very intelligent and cutting letter of resignation where I mentioned his Tinnitus possibly being to blame for the deterioration of his mental state.  Apparently he laughed a lot whilst he read it and we always had time for each other after that.

I worked as well for my boyfriends Mum, (not S – the boyfriend before the one before S)… I helped decorate hotels.  This was a good job and I was left alone to get on with it a lot of the time and did my job well.  Once I’d finished though, the party started and Jack Daniels, straight, is not a good drink for most people.

I was very funny and fun but also an unreliable drunk…teamed with other stuff, I could be quite literally 'off me cake'!

I had two fights, one whilst dressed as a hermaphrodite on an emu, (errgh) and could be very rude and sarcastic to a few people. I wasn’t a very kind person then and am completely different now, thank the lord! 

Well, I was growing up and experiencing things but I wish I’d reeled it in a bit….a lot!

I did have a right old time though so thank you to my friends and acquaintances who were with me, tripping along the way.

Whilst over there, my friends Saucepots and Cheeky came over to visit me and have a cheapy holiday. I would like to say that that was the best week out of the 4 yrs I was there.  We laughed so much even though Cheeky had a disco inferno going on in her eyes… Thank you girls!

I am going to stop there… there is no rush and I am sure I will have a few more regrets before I pop my clogs.

The other regrets for that time are self preservation regrets. 

I wasn’t Gisele Bundchen by any stretch but compared to now, I was goooorgeous.  Young, carefree, no grey hair, no wrinkles but pleasant expression lines, good teeth…thin with boobs.

I am going to instil the following practices in my daughter. No doubt she will ignore them… 

Drink lots of water –

It really does plump up the skin, keep joints loose and improve memory by helping you think clearer and be more alert

Brush twice a day regardless of what time you crawl into your bed –

Clean teeth will stop you getting fillings and bad breath

FLOSS!!! Your teeth may be clean and healthy but what about your gums??-

This is so important and often forgotten about. It could save you a lot of money and heart ache later on. You don’t realise how important your teeth are!

Wear factor 15 on the face and chest when in the sun –

They say you should wear this even in shade nowadays and I can’t see any harm in doing so but definitely wear it when in the sun as you’ll notice as you age, that girls who did look after their skin are now prettier than the ‘pretty girls’ who didn’t bother

Do the plank-

This will strengthen your inner core and is more helpful than sit ups – do crunches and sit ups as well but the plank will strengthen you from inside and when you have kids, if you are lucky enough to have kids, your figure will pull back into shape easier

Do yoga and running-

Just keep fit.  You can eat what you like and sit on your bum when you are young. I didn’t think I had the ‘fat gene’ until after my son was born, then realised that I do have it …with a vengeance! Now I am struggling to lose 3 stone of FAT....

Don’t be afraid to join in team sports-

I was soooo square at school and lacking in confidence but if I do have a go, I love it…not particularly good but had I started young and practiced, who knows?

Read and listen-

Being well read and learning from others advice and mistakes is valuable.  Why make mistakes yourself if you can let others do it for you? Plus books can be magical and take you on a journey. Having an imagination can protect you from boredom… a killer…and make you more interesting company.  Also, if you listen and read and learn, you might even get a job you that you actually like!

Don’t lie…ever

Liars really do create unnecessary drama for all involved.  Like S’s sister and ex wife. They are boring, selfish, small minded people who, if they had a life, would not need to make stuff up, so don’t do it!

Don’t use straightening irons on damp hair!

Frazzle, frazzle, frazzle!!! Even if you are in a rush JUST DON’T DO IT! The hair is at its weakest when wet, so if you then stick red hot irons on top, it’ll sizzle it to a crisp. Look after your hair! Let it dry naturally and tie it in a loose ponytail, or plait instead.

Wear shoes that fit-

If you don’t, you will end up with feet that resemble Monster Munch! And Monster Munch crammed into a Birkenstock, even with nail varnish on, don’t look pretty. You can’t polish a turd.

Moisturise and exfoliate at least 3 times a week

Your skin will thank you for it in your late 30’s and onwards.  

Look after your body…it’s the only one you’ve got and will determine the kind of life you have when youth is no longer on your side!

Any tips or regrets you wanna share?

;)